We Won't Starve

Here's a funny quirk.  When we learned of the Babe's food allergies, I had to immediately go on her diet since I was still nursing.  It resulted in a rapid weight loss, dropping more than just those last stubborn baby-weight pounds.  That seemed to be the only positive at the time of her diagnosis.  It also took food allergies to make me learn to become a better cook and baker.  That in turn resulted in some weight gain (and then some more weight gain).   

Everyone who hears about the Babe's food allergies comments on how much healthier we must eat.  Most everything is not processed, we eat more fruits and veggies, etc.  Yepp.  Healthier when you 1) eat the proper portion sizes, 2) exercise regularly, and 3) avoid potato chips at all costs.  We sacrifice a lot for food allergies, but eating isn't one of those things.  We eat better, we're definitely more aware of what we're eating, but alas, that has not been converted to model figures.  And as I previously posted, just because we have to give up certain foods, it does not mean we have to give up flavor.  Tonight's dinner was spaghetti and meatballs.  Tomorrow's lunch with guests will probably be an Asian chicken stir-fry with rice, and chocolate cupcakes, and dinner a curried beef.  Nope, we won't starve.

What's Cooking?

For those who are new to food allergies, figuring out what your going to eat, or if you're ever going to eat again, can be overwhelming.  I have a three year old, and we've been living with her food allergies for more than two years.  Initially, you start with just fruits, vegetables and proteins that you know are safe, with little variation, and little added flavoring.  Then you begin to explore. 

I'd probably explore more, but for two factors.  First, I have a three year old.  She likes to eat the same thing every day for lunch and breakfast (or lunch as she also calls that meal based on what she eats, not the time of day).  Dinner is where we have variety, although its a safe variety.  She's not big into sauces and gravies, although just recently developed an interest in ketchup and tomato sauce.  So, while her palate and  preferences are limited, I do try to go beyond that on occasion.  My second reason why I haven't branched out too far is I'm just plain old chicken.  If she hasn't had it already, I dread giving her something new.  Just like a criminal trial- innocent until proven guilty- I need to retrain my mind that she's not allergic to a food until there's evidence.  But its hard to tell my blood pressure that when trying to introduce something new.

So what do we eat around here?  Chicken, beef, corn-based pastas, potatos, rice, quinoa, carrots, onions, broccolli, cauliflower, squash, melon, apples, pears, and the list goes on.  The other day I made bourbon chicken with rice.  It was delicious, although the Babe wasn't a fan.  Just because we can't eat wheat, eggs, or dairy, I still bake cookies, muffins, cupcakes, and pancakes.  I have a lot of cookbooks and websites I reference in searching for new foods.  We eat foods with Asian and Mediterranean influences, as well as other cultural influences.  I season with garlic, sage, rosemary, thyme, bay leaves, lemon, lime, tamari (gluten-free soy sauce), and more.  Just because there are several foods we can't eat, there are many more we can.  We don't have to eat tasteless, bland, boring meals.  If we do, its not due to food allergies.  Its due to me being too tired or bored to change it up, just like every other home cook in America.

I'm allergic to that...

The Babe catches on pretty fast.  She knows how to wrap us around her little finger, and has improved her technique recently.  Specifically, when offered something she apparently does not want to eat, she says in a very serious voice, "I'm allergic to that; I have food allergies".  She will then shrug her shoulders and wander off.  While, yes, she does have food allergies, she is declining food she is not allergic to, she just doesn't want it.  Apparently she thinks that's the magic phrase to get her out of eating something she doesn't want.  We generally don't force her to eat, but when she's not cooperating, we do try to cajole or threaten (nothing bad, well, except to a 3 year old, when you tell them no more t.v.). 

So, while we feel a lot of guilt and let her get away with a lot of things due to her food allergies, she's figured out how to manipulate us further.  We're working on behavior modification with several things (sleeping the night through in her own bed, picking up her toys by herself, etc. etc.).  It seems to have reached a point where I've realized that she's an only child isolated by food allergies who isn't used to the word "no" being strongly enforced.  I don't want to create a little monster that other kids don't want to play with, who doesn't know how to share or take turns, or is just rude or stubborn when she doesn't get things her way.  Its a challenge because most of the time its just us, so of course she doesn't have to share her toys (no, really, I don't want to play all the time).  So, yes, we're definitely a work in progress.

Playgroup

Last year when we went to the allergist, I had considered asking about starting a local playgroup for area allergy families.  I didn't have the opportunity to bring it up, but at our last visit, I was able to.  As a family friend suggested, maybe we could even start our own pre-school for our little Allergy Babes.  So, with those two ideas, I asked our allergist if he would be willing to mention to other families with similar situations.  I wasn't asking him to violate HIPPA (privacy laws).  I was willing to waive it personally only to the extent that he give out my name and email.  He looked moderately interested, so we agreed I'd give my info to his front desk staff.  I wrote a note indicating that I wanted to start a play-group or playdates for children with food allergies between the ages of 3-5. 

Its been two weeks, and I just got a call from the nutritionist.  She heard I was looking for information on pre-schools and playgroups in the area.  Glad they listened so carefully.  Even worse, she asked if I was aware of FAAN or needed the name of other support groups that might be able to refer me out.  That is the problem.  First, every allergist we've dealt with immediately tell us about FAAN.  Secondly, I can only find support groups for parents, with limited meetings.  There aren't too many resources to actually help beyond telling me what foods to avoid and possible recipes within our allergies.  I'm finding that the allergy medical community only goes so far.  They don't really get what living with food allergies is like.  They may understand the clinical, but the day-to-day lifestyle seems to be beyond their grasp. 

Finally, let me add to my rant.  As an attorney, we are taught to ask questions.  If the question is not answered, ask again or re-word.  The key though is to listen.  Don't talk over someone, don't assume, and certainly just because someone responded does not mean they answered what you asked.  And here's the problem with our allergist's office.  They only heard what they wanted to, only provided help how they knew how, and now they probably think they answered my questions and can walk away.  Thanks for nothing.  You think you helped, but you didn't.  And in my passive-aggressive manner, I have vented but have not solved anything. 

So, if you happen to live in Southeast Wisconsin and want to start a playgroup, please contact me at allergybabe@yahoo.com.  I'm listening!

Nut Free Zone

We just had the Babe tested for several foods based on recent concerns that she may have developed some new allergies.  Ok, recent being over three months ago, but that's how long a wait we had to see the allergist.  She loves hummus, but we have not had any since January due to an odd cough she started having.  We also began questioning soy again, as well as a few other foods that she hasn't even had.  Fortunately, the results were all negative.  As the allergist said, this means she is 95-98% likely to not be allergic to those foods.  We have to actually food challenge her at home to confirm.  Today, much to the Babe's delight, she had hummus again. 

One of the foods we tested at the allergist's was peaches, which raised the question as to other stone fruit.  As such, they tested several other fruits, and included almonds in the mix.  She's tested negative before to almonds, but we haven't ever fed her any.  Same for tree nuts.  My husband and I were discussing this, and I mentioned that I'd prefer to keep our home nut free in case we were ever to have a guest with peanut allergies.  The smallest residue could be hazardous, and while I may keep a clean house, I'd be afraid for that one.  He indicated that we should remain completely nut free.  So, our house will continue to be peanut and nut free.  While I will not buy actual nut products, I have bought some items made in a facility with tree nuts, but only if its something that gets heated through in baking.  Specifically, the flax seed I buy is manufactured in a facility with tree nuts.  As such, I will have to be vigilant should we have a guest with such allergies.  Although a hazard, it is a much smaller hazard and should hopefully be one that is easier to control.  In the meantime, if I have an urge to get nutty, I'll get my fix elsewhere (as I already do for that, and all her other allergens).

Being Aware

How aware are you of your environment when you are out shopping?  This isn't about public safety, and watching your purse.  This is about noticing little details that could add up to a different kind of danger, at least in our household. 

Its amazing how many people eat where they work, or prefer scented products better meant for the home then the office.  When I was in college, I worked in a hospital as a receptionist for a medical department.  I opted not to wear perfumes, because if you were sick, I felt you didn't want to be overcome by any cloying perfume that you might not like or might be allergic to.  At one of our ER visits with the Babe, the triage nurse was eating food at her desk while working with us, and the foods were one's the Babe is allergic to.  I wanted to scream at her, but kept my mouth shut.  Fortunately nothing happened from that, but I know better now.

In more recent months, I've had to be more assertive while out shopping.  About a month ago, I had gone to a local general store to see what they had.  Someone I know had talked up the store and I was curious.  This was a business that has been in the town we live for decades, and sold general merchandise befitting a general store from fifty years ago (selling notions and household goods).  I figured it would be too tempting for the Babe (as in grabbing everything in sight), so I found a time when I could go by myself.  What I didn't expect was to see a small popcorn machine in the center of the store.  I noticed it the minute I walked in, but then ignored it while I walked around.  I found a little puzzle/sticker toy for the Babe, and that was my only purchase.  When I got to the front of the store to buy it, the sales clerk walked away from what she was doing to ring me up.  Suddenly I was internally debating what to do, because said sales clerk looked like she was just servicing the popcorn machine.  Would it be rude to ask?  Well, my child's safety usurps rude.  She was in fact restocking it and did have her hands in it.  I explained why I asked, and she offered to wash her hands.  We worked it out so that she didn't have to touch anything since I paid with exact cash, and opted not to have a bag or receipt.  When I got home, I unwrapped the outer wrapping on the item and washed my hands, figuring whoever stocked the item on the shelf may have handled other items.  I walked away from that store with a dirty feeling, so I won't be returning.  But I know I did the right thing by asking.

Another instance was at the grocery store.  I got in a line that had a new cashier, and I was her first customer.  Before she did anything, she grabbed her bottle of hand lotion (strawberry scented), and proceeded to grease up her hands.  Well, I immediately went on alert, because at the time we weren't sure if the Babe was allergic to strawberries, and who knows what else may have been in that lotion.  Since I was getting one item, the clerk was nice enough to let me scan it myself.  I used a credit card, bagged the item myself, and skipped the receipt.  Yes, I sound completely paranoid.  However, I cannot risk the Babe coming into contact with even the smallest amount of her allergens.  So, I must remain vigilant.  My husband got to experience this with me last weekend while grocery shopping.  The person ahead of us had a bag of pet food break open and spill some product along the bagging area.  The cashier didn't do anything, leaving the mess there as she was about to ring us up.  We requested, nicely, that she clean up the pet food.  She grabbed her bottle of cleaner and paper towels and took care of it without comment.  Had she not, I don't know what we would have done.  I cringed at the thought of our groceries touching what I knew was unsafe for us, and then transferring it onto our kitchen shelves and fridge.  Fortunately, it got taken care of without fuss.

While initially worrying about being rude or insulting, we're doing what we need to protect our child.  In each instance, the people we dealt with didn't make a fuss or big deal about it.  We were polite in our requests, which probably helped.  In the end, I can always walk away from the purchase or store.  However, with minor adjustments, remaining polite and pleasant, most people will cooperate.  They may not understand or get it, but that isn't what I need to accomplish during my minute interaction with them.  So, while it would be easier to flip through a magazine while waiting in a grocery store line, I opt to see what's happening in front of me.  In part, I'm just nosy, but also, I don't want any surprises when I get home.

Just the Three of Us

Passover is almost here, once again. During the Passover Seder, four questions are asked, including, “Why is this night different from all other nights?” In our allergy house, every night is different. Well, not to our little one who hasn’t experienced otherwise. The way we live is normal to her because she knows not what she misses (except from what she sees on children’s television programming).

There are many traditional foods for Passover. I love them all, yet most are dangerous to the Babe. Being allergic to wheat, eggs, dairy, fish, and coconut excludes many of the traditional foods like: Matza, hard boiled eggs, gefilte fish, and macaroons. Without matza or eggs, there are no matza balls. And not the traditional harosets of apples, raisins and walnuts since she tested allergic to apples recently and we avoid all nuts.  We will eat, we won’t starve, but it won’t be like it once was.

The Seder is supposed to be filled with noise, song, family and friends. For us, it will just be the three of us. While we were going to be alone the first night, our guests for the second night cancelled due to the Babe’s most recent illness. So when you wonder what its like to live with food allergies, besides being stressful, its also very isolating. My daughter is very social, would love to play and talk to just about anyone and everyone. She’s precocious, bright, very verbal, and very cute. And she’s lonely. She asks for her friends and family, but they all have things to do, like school, or living a distance away. And while our schedule is clear, and gas money isn’t an issue, we cannot go to them. It is just us. So this year, an added answer to why the night of the Seder is different, it will be because it will just be the three of us. We have had two years living with allergies to adjust to that concept. It is just the three of us.