New Normal

Its always interesting the conversations you can have in the specialty aisles at the grocery store.  Today, while just getting a few items, I had a lovely conversation with an older woman who has Celiac.  We were comparing some of the snack and bread items available. 

Anytime I see someone pondering a product or in search of something, I somehow become this social butterfly engaging random strangers in conversation.  Granted, if they aren't responding, I back off.  I don't want to be the weirdo in the grocery store.  And, some of these conversations have also led me to meet others who might be that person.  However, its rewarding to either give new information or share information.  I had that a few months back at Barnes and Nobles while looking at some books in the cookbook section.  An older woman was being shown the gluten free books by a clerk, and I was better able to direct her to what she was looking for (I had already seen it on the shelf).  We started up a conversation, and before you knew it, I was able to give her some resources she wasn't aware of.  It was such a rewarding feeling.  So, for a day filled with errands and most likely limited human interaction, those few minutes sharing our experiences or findings become the highlight of my morning.

This food-aware community is growing, be it from allergies, sensitivities, or illness.  You never know where or how you'll meet someone.  My mammogram tech's high school aged daughter had a plethora of food allergies, and my new dentist's elementary school daughter has a few life-threatening allergies as well.  You cannot escape this new reality.  For our sake, hopefully this makes it easier as the Babe gets older.  She won't be unique, and her situation will hopefully be seen as manageable to those around her.   We will learn what is the new normal, grow, and accept it. 

Morning Mood

The Babe is not a morning person.  I may have mentioned that most mornings I get her dressed while she's mostly unconscious.  She acknowledges me when I make her, but otherwise, she pretty much is sleeping through the process.  Then she watches a show while she has some juice, goes to the bathroom, and then we're pretty much on our way.  Today though was one of those days that had her whining and fussing.  "Why are you rushing me?  You know I'm not a morning person!"  This out of the mouth of a five year old.  She comes by this honestly, as my mother isn't and my grandfather wasn't much of a morning person.  Granted, once she's in the car, the Babe generally snaps out of her morning snarky-ness (except today of course).

Today though she couldn't get past her mood.  It was foggy outside, but that is still not an excuse.  Lately she'll whine when she doesn't get her way, "This is the worst day ever!".  Based on all our family health dramas, I hate when she says this.  Today, I again told her how I dislike her saying that.  You don't know what the day has in store, its only started.  The fog will lift, she'll enjoy school, and if the day goes as planned, we'll be going to the kiddy pool.  That does not bode for the "worst day ever".  I reminded her how fortunate she is- she woke up in a comfortable bed, in a nice house, and had nice clean clothes to put on.  I told her if she really felt it was the worst day, we could skip school and I could just lock her up in her room.  Apparently she didn't like that option.  Good thing, because that wasn't a real offer.  See, Mommy can be snarky, too.  However, I'm starting this day hoping for a good start to our weekend.  Happy Mother's Day!

Building blocks

The Babe has been in school since we moved in October.  It's a private facility that is mostly childcare, ages 6 months to 6 years.  They have a 4k group, and one kindergarten class.  The kindergarten program is taught by a licensed educator with a Bachelor's degree in education.  The Babe only goes part-time to the kindergarten class, as I pick her up before lunch is served.  In the fall, she will be attending kindergarten in our local public school.  Right now, she's learning sight words, working on penmanship, and other wonderful things.  The afternoon focuses more on science and math, so she has less of that, but she does get some.  Because she will be attending kindergarten next fall, our primary goal in this year's schooling was socialization.  Everything else is a bonus.

Last night she decided to write a letter to her cousins.  I did not get to read the letter, beyond her showing me her start of, "Dear Kasins".  After she finished and put it in an envelope, she told me what she wrote.  "Dear Cousins, I love you.  I miss you.  Love, __".  As she was telling me the letter's contents, she told me where she had the greeting, the body, and the closing.  I was highly impressed that she's already learned the format of a letter.  There are these wonderful building blocks that she's learning at what seems an earlier age, but she gets it.  I'm excited to see her educational development.  As Dr. Seuss says, "Oh, the places you will go."

Long, dark winter

Its been a long, dark winter, and spring has not been much better.  I haven't written much in a while, because although the Babe has been doing well with school and other things, we've had a cloud over our house.  There has been family illness, as well as major changes with my husband's employer.

Two weeks ago today we lost my husband's mother.  There is so much to say about her that I cannot capture how truly wonderful a person she was.  I was blessed to have a warm, loving, generous mother-in-law.  Sadly, it was not for long enough.  She died too young, at the age of 63.  While I cannot go into the details, she was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer less than six months ago, that at that point was rapidly metastasizing.  While there was hope, we also were very realistic.  Reality still cannot prepare you for such a loss.

The Babe understands, but we aren't sure how much.  She knows her Gram is gone.  I think when she sees her grandfather she will feel the loss even more, because Papa and Gram go together. 

My mother-in-law always put family first.  Her parents, her husband, her children, and granddaughter were the most important people in her life.  As she was eulogized, she had many friends, but she chose quality over quantity.  While I know I was an in-law, she also took my interests to heart.  Many times she would take my side in a discussion with her son, whether it was joking or serious.  In fact, there will no longer be those chats where I start off with, "Well your son did...", to which she'd counter with, "Well your husband...".  She was fun, and we had a lot of laughs. 

Not to discount my sister-in-law or my husband, but I think one of her greatest joys was my daughter.  She was thrilled to be a grandmother.  The hardest part was probably not being able to see her every day due to geography.  We did Facetime often, and she could see my daughter dance or wear interesting patterned clothing combinations.  She always had something for my daughter.  There were many things she would have loved to have done with my daughter, that due to allergies or age never happened.  She would have loved to have taken her out for an ice cream cone, or go to Disney World with her.  My daughter is now of an age where Disney is a possibility, but it will be sad for my husband and I if we go without Gram.

I learned many things from my mother-in-law.  She was a gracious host, and had an ease with most people.  Her neighbors were close friends, her friends were extended family.  She always took an interest in others, be it work or extended family.  Even while she was failing, and could barely talk due to a horrible cough, she'd still ask about others. 

Its still hard to fathom her death, that she's not just a phone call away.  However, we must continue to move forward.  For while we mourn, we must not forget to live.  Time cannot not stop.  We will remember, and hopefully, continue to honor her life.  May her memory be a blessing.

School Days

There seems to have been so much happening around here that I haven't had the motivation to write.  The Babe is loving school.  She goes in the morning, so we avoid lunch time.  When I pick her up, she gestures for me to leave as she's never ready to go.  Now in the morning when its time to get ready for school, forget it.  Its not that she doesn't want to go to school; she just doesn't want to get up.  I think she's the only child whose mother dresses her for school while she's either unconscious or semi-conscious.  She'll nod in acknowledgement that I'm talking to her, but eyes are shut, and she's ducking for the covers as soon as I grab a leg or foot.  However, once she's up and ready, she's happy to be going to school. 

Today her class is celebrating the 100th day of school.  Technically this doesn't apply to her as we started late due to when we moved.  However, that doesn't matter.  When I dropped her off, she said that it was the last day of class so now she can sleep in in the morning.  I had to explain that no, she still has school. 

We are all happy that she is able to attend this school.  They have been wonderful to work with regarding her allergies.  The only negative of having her in class is the exposure to colds.  We are now getting over the second one in the past month and half.  When I say we, I mean we.  Child gets sick means mama gets sick.  My husband's been traveling so much, that he's only just starting to show signs of what we've had for the past two weeks.  I think his is more from travel and stress then whatever we have. 

Despite having to get up early, and fight these lovely germs, its great that she can be with the other kids.  She's getting the socialization that is so important.  She's learning the fickleness of friendship, too.  She went into class this morning complaining about one boy being a bully.  She declared she wasn't going to be friends with him anymore or talk to him.  Well, he blew her a bunch of kisses when she got in, so she decided she could be friends with him again.  Little does she know that I think his bullying is because he "likes" her.  She happens to be the new girl, in that most of these kids have been attending this school since infancy or toddlerhood, and she's only been there a few months.  I suspect there are dynamics there that she's unaware of.  She's happy to play with everyone, although is learning who is willing to play with whom in what type of groups, or who is the "boss" when there's independent play.  Again, all things we must learn at some time if we are to play well with others. 

Not-quite Architecturally Sound "Gingerbread" House

This morning as I was dropping the Babe off at school, her teacher asked me if one of her planned activities would be safe for the Babe.  They were making Gingerbread Houses from a kit.  Definitely not safe, especially with the Babe's high level allergy to wheat, egg, and dairy.  I think her teacher had that figured out, but wanted to make sure before excluding the Babe.  Its not that she was actually excluded, its just that the activity was saved for the afternoon when the Babe wouldn't be present. 

The Babe knew about the planned activity, probably because they spent the morning reading about the Gingerbread Man and gingerbread houses.  So, as we left she asked if we could make one.  I had planned to clean this afternoon, and really didn't feel like baking, but I didn't want to disappoint the Babe.  So instead of cleaning some toilets and doing laundry, we baked and iced cookies.  First, we made sugar cookies that we had to roll out and bake.  For the house, I cut those shapes, but we had a lot of dough to make hearts and flowers out of.  Then I made vanilla icing.  The house is definitely not structurally sound, but it is so far holding together.  Other than safe lollipops, we don't have candy, so its a very "vanilla" house without any gumdrop or other candy decoration.  It still tastes good (based on all the cookies and frosting I already ate).  Here's a photo of the house and some of the frosted cookies.

 

I have finally found, and modified, a sugar cookie recipe that results in cookies that taste decent and have normal texture.  Here's my recipe for the cookies.

 

Gluten-Free Vegan Vanilla Sugar Cookies



1 1/4 C White Rice Flour
1/2 C Sorghum
1/2 C Potato Starch
1/4 C Tapioca Starch
1 tsp Baking Powder
1 tsp Xanthan Gum
1/2 tsp Salt
1 1/2 C powdered sugar
1/3 C Margarine (I prefer Earth Balance Vegan Buttery Sticks)
1/4 C Soy milk
2 tsp vanilla

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees (unless planning to bake dough later).
2. In a medium sized bowl, mix rice flour, sorghum, potato starch, tapioca starch, baking powder, xanthan gum and salt.
3. In the bowl of a stand mixer, or a large mixing bowl, combine powdered sugar, margarine, soy milk and vanilla.  Beat together with stand mixer or an electric mixer, until creamy.
4. Add in dry ingredients to mix, and beat until dough forms. 
5. Wrap dough in wax paper and refrigerate for 15 minutes, or up to a couple of hours.
6. Take dough out of refrigerate.  Take half of the dough and place between two large pieces of wax paper.  Roll out dough, cut into shapes with cookie cutters, and put on cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.  Continue process until fill cookie sheet (remember to leave some space between the cookies).
7. Bake cookies 10-12 minutes.  They will not get brown. 
8. Repeat process of rolling out and cutting dough and baking until you've used up the dough. 
Eat and Enjoy!

Another goodbye

Thanksgiving came and went not with a boom, but with a hiss.  It was a quiet, uneventful day, that started with the three of us watching the Macy's Day Parade and reading the large, ad-filled newspaper.  Throughout the day I worked on dinner, which included a whole turkey, gluten-free stuffing, dairy-free chocolate chip ice cream, and apple pie.  It was the first day in about two weeks that we could really be together as a family, after my husband had been gone for business and to help his mother, who lives in Florida, post-surgery.  Once he returned home he had a lot of work, so Thanksgiving really was our one day together.  I had anticipated enjoying the rest of the weekend, but that was not meant to be.

Sadly, we received an early morning call that his grandfather had passed away Friday morning.  The remainder of the day was focused on how to get to Florida for the funeral.  My husband was able to leave Saturday morning.  Unfortunately due to our location and time of year, it was virtually impossible for me to join him unless we either wanted to spend a fortune flying someone to us to watch the Babe, and then me to fly with him, or in the alternative, spend two long days driving with the Babe to Florida which would also require pulling her out of school for a week.  We plan to make this drive in a couple of weeks, and didn't think it would be best to do that with her two times so close together.

The Babe and I won't be able to join everyone as they say goodbye to her great-grandfather.  She still doesn't fully understand the concept of death, although she does bring it up every so often.  I think when we see her great-grandmother without Pop, it may have more meaning in context that he's gone.  For now, the Babe knows he died, but I'm sure questions will arise.  In the meantime, we will remember a man who served his country, on the beach at D-Day, and loved his family.   For him, family was very important.  He will not be forgotten.